Toil and Trouble

i haven't been eating very much, recently
and i haven't been brushing my teeth very much, recently
and i haven't been able to think, recently;
only dream

flowers in my hair,
on my dress
in the grass


blurring together
the mush of existence
like mud between the bottom of your shoes and the carpet.

everything becomes a blanket,
a sheet,
a drop of rain.
the zipping of a zipper;

before i go to bed at night i take off my slippers,
and i take off my bra,
and i roll around in sheets,
until i become too tangled up
and dream i can't breathe.

this summer air is like wrapping paper
holding beads of sweat upon my skin;
i feel alive; i feel awake;
and i wasn't meant to document great lives, great events
as all the classics have;
i was meant to live life;
fully, freely,

alive; awake

Black Earrings

Hoarding books and scraps of paper

at this rate I'll be buried in a year.

The drone, through the walls, of my brother playing guitar, brings me comfort
and the yellow light of the fall scented candles brings me warmth

i keep thinking about a person in so many different ways
that i become disillusion,
drunk on the thought of their company
and memories we now own.

the books and magazines, maps and clippings
can never truely portray how i feel at any moment
no matter how many ways i position them into a single thought

and i can barely remember
what i felt 5 minutes ago.
but i know
right now,
i miss you dearly.

i feel as if everything i say to you is a lie until i tell you how i feel.

i think i've found the feeling that everyone's dying to know.

i'm letting it rip me up inside,
believing that it means keeping you
from heart breaks and confusion

Everyone was wearing leather jackets

My mind was entangling thoughts of you.


I want to apologize for being a liar,
but you wouldn't understand,
and i don't want to explain myself

unlike my mother's algebra teacher,
who looks like your brother
and wore a "Seattle Mariners" shirt,
which kept reminding me of Ben Gibbard
talking between songs on the John Byrd EP,
the day i met him.

he told me they could have been twin brothers,
separated at birth

and for a second,
i believed him.

and as i sat through my mom's
History of Rock and Roll class,
and had to listen to U2's With or Without you,
and Sonic Youth's Candle,
and some kid with a really bad 90's hair cut,
blond streaks and all, came in late, looking stoned,

I resigned in the corner of the room thinking
about the lake looking like deep, dark, stormy, body of ocean water

wondering about the thrill from
rowing out into the snow and mist,
over the freezing icy waters of the Northwest.

I saw my footprints, dried in place upon the recently mopped floor

with the windows open,
I hear the rats running circles,
playing games of seek and tag,
along the 12 foot ladders,
that sit beside my bedroom wall.

The dry, fluid air
lands on my carpet/settles on my arms.

I spent 3 hours cleaning today.
My finger tips were pruned and white
as i watched the floor dry,

leaving watermarks and the fake smell of citrus.


sometimes i envision wonderful trees,
silly creatures,
and growing grass in jars.

most evenings i find myself alone.
Nine times out of ten, i prefer it that way.

I Watched a Very Good Movie Today

i felt lonely,
and i missed someone

i talked for a half of an hour
and made inside jokes with myself.

sometimes i wonder how you really feel about me these days.

the ocean rolled over my eyelids though,
my feet sank into the grassy meadows,
so i'm a bit lost at the moment

swaying with tides and stalks,
in an ocean of my own accord

the seaweed is wrapping tightly around my torso

and if it were my last words to utter,
i'd tell you how i really feel.